Day 204

At some point in this odd dream, the grown man found himself face to face with his younger self.
The skinny child with chicken legs and no sense of what size clothes he should be wearing.
And it was only then that he realized, how much he truly hated this child.
Who he was, before he became himself.
How much he was angered at the thought of that kid.
Who talked to much and knew too little.
The shame of ignorance and innocence, that he had been running from for so long, now rushed through his veins like venom from an asp's fangs.
Shame. Shame. Shame.
He spat condemnation at the child, to release some of the poison's sting:
Why are you so slow?
Why are you so skinny?
Why aren't you fast?
Don't you know how much faster you'll need to be in the future?!
How come you couldn't get it right the first time?
Do you realize how hard you're making it for me, being they way you are?!
Why are you making everything harder for me!?
Do you hate me!?
Why do you hat me?!
Heavy breaths are interrupted by a shrill reply:
Why do you hate me? Responds skinny child, fighting back a lump in his skinny throat.
This child, whom the man could tell, was disgusted by what was before him.
What he would become. How sad. How pathetic. How disappointing.
Both child and man began to shout at each other:
Why can't you be better.
Why do I have to do all the work?
Why don't you do better!?
Why don't you be better?!
Why are you blaming me for everything!?
This is why everyone hates you!
Everyone hates you!
I HATE YOU!!!...
They see tears in each others eyes, and in those tears they see themselves.
The child lets his head fall, the man slumps to his knees.
They are both weighted by the guilt and shame of what they've done to each other.
To themselves.
They each want to comfort the other, but don't know how.
Each whispers to them self, but somehow say along with the other:
Why can't you care about me?
I want to be better.
I don't want to be ashamed of you, or you of me...
I want you to be proud of me.How do I make you proud of me?
How do I make you proud?
At this, the boy approaches the man he will one day be, and offers the only thing he can: a hug.
The man accepts.
And for the first time, feels the comfort that he would practice offering for his entire life.
Arms longer than he is tall, with long hands to support the shoulders of weary friends and travelers.
A deceptive strength to be found in such a skinny child.
He returns this embrace with his own.
The child is likewise comforted, now knowing that he will one day offer this support to those in need. Gentle yet firm, offering simultaneous support and shelter against an onslaught of burden and doubt.
They comfort each other.
They are both better for the other.
The man stands, while the child helps.
Both dry their tears.
Both part ways as they take a look back, in order to look forward.
With optimism and hope.
With gratitude and forgiveness.
With love.
With pride.